Nothing To See Here
Epstein Files are a distraction and conspiracy theory, insist elite lapdogs
Content Warning: this article contains references to and graphic descriptions of sexual violence against female adults and children
The demands for governmental transparency on Urinal Pube Jeffrey Epstein are getting louder and louder with no sign of stopping, and I am here for it.
Half of all Americans — regardless of political affiliation — are unhappy with the lack of public disclosure regarding Epstein. Which is entirely understandable, as his horrific crimes not only implicated wealthy public figures like Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, and Trump — they started to expose extensive networks of corruption and abuses of power.
Like when Vanity Fair published a 2003 profile on Epstein only after removing credible allegations that he had sexually assaulted two sisters — one of whom was a minor at the time — simply because Epstein told them to. Or when the billionaire owner of Victoria’s Secret reacted to one of those sexual assaults — which occurred at his Ohio mansion — by allowing Epstein to recruit potential models for his lingerie business, empowering him to sexually assault another woman the following year.
These examples are just the tip of the iceberg, raising legitimate concerns about just how many wealthy goons, big corporations, and other powerful institutions were complicit — or even actively involved — in Epstein’s crimes. His sudden death in 2019 left these questions unanswered, and the U.S. government has made matters worse by withholding Epstein's financial records, details of his international travel1, case evidence from two federal grand juries, and other pertinent information known to be in their possession collectively referred to as “the Epstein files.”
And when I say “withheld” I’m not being hyperbolic — the Feds have denied multiple FOIA requests for this material from journalists and news outlets.
Such antagonism toward transparency has lead to a toxic absence of information, sparking understandable anger and speculation from across the political spectrum while fueling destructive forces like QAnon, a far-Right conspiracy theory and movement that claims a secret cabal of Satanic cannibals and pedophiles — including many high-level Democrats — runs an international child sex trafficking ring while working to undermine Trump.
The QAnon conspiracy theory has inspired a litany of violent crimes, which makes it all the more appalling that some liberal and Left-leaning media outlets have been equating legitimate concerns and questions regarding the Epstein case with baseless and paranoid “conspiracy theories.”
Even more alarming is the fact that several mainstream articles have been including variations on the same sentence that — while just barely true on a technicality — obscure the known facts about Trump and Epstein:
If you read the highlighted lines above and came to the conclusion that Trump had never been credibly accused of sexual violence in connection to Epstein, that would be understandable — it’s also completely false.
A federal lawsuit was filed against both Trump and Epstein in 2016, alleging that they had sexually abused the same 13 year old girl in 1994 (emphasis mine):
Plaintiff was enticed by promises of money and a modeling career to attend a series of parties…held at a New York City residence that was being used by Defendant Jeffrey Epstein. […] Defendant Trump initiated sexual contact with Plaintiff at four different parties. On the fourth and final sexual encounter with Defendant Trump, Defendant Trump tied Plaintiff to a bed…and then proceeded to forcibly rape Plaintiff. […] Immediately following this rape, Defendant Trump threatened Plaintiff that, were she ever to reveal any of the details of the sexual and physical abuse of her by Defendant Trump, Plaintiff and her family would be physically harmed if not killed. […]
Defendant Epstein forced himself upon Plaintiff and proceeded to rape her… while he angrily screamed at Plaintiff that he, Defendant Epstein, rather than Defendant Trump, should have been the one who took Plaintiff’s virginity, before Plaintiff finally managed to break away from Defendant Epstein.
This story received next-to-no coverage in 2016 — even though there was a corroborating witness — allegedly because it was purchased by a major publisher in order to bury it, according to award-winning investigative journalist Ronan Farrow. Jane Doe and her lawyer tried to bring attention to the matter with a press conference, but they canceled at the last minute due to a barrage of death threats. Jane Doe ended up withdrawing her lawsuit a few days before the 2016 Presidential election.
But technically law enforcement never accused Trump of anything related to this suit, which was technically separate from the legal cases against Epstein that saw the inside of a courtroom.
Meaning all the highlighted statements above are technically true while omitting critical information, painting Trump as a completely innocent bystander to the many horrific crimes committed by his longtime pal Epstein. Questioning this version of events — or any other aspect of the Epstein case and its coverage — is discouraged by labeling these legitimate concerns as a “distraction” or a “conspiracy theory.”
This would be appalling at the best of times, but it’s especially egregious in 2025 when Google Search has become so awful that actually finding the well-documented evidence of Epstein’s crimes and their broader implications is much, much more difficult than it used to be2.
Luckily, I’m a barely employed freak who’s good at doing research.
So here’s the story of Bloody Stool Incarnate Jeffrey Epstein, including many of the hard-to-Google facts that have been obscured or completely ignored by the current news coverage — especially when they involve Trump.
The Loaf of Wall Street
Jeffrey Epstein came from a working-class family on Coney Island, yet he started his career as a math and physics teacher at Dalton — a very expensive prestigious K-12 prep school where famous and wealthy New Yorkers sent their kids — even though he was a 21 year old two-time college dropout with no teaching experience. He apparently faked his resume in order to get the job, which makes sense because — unlike later in life — during the 1970s Epstein had no wealth or powerful connections he could leverage to hide the fact that he wasn’t actually good at anything honest.
While at Dalton, he showed up at student parties and engaged in other creepy grooming behaviors common to sexual predators. Epstein was fired due to his poor teaching skills, but not before he made an important connection to one of his student’s fathers — an executive at Bear Stearns investment bank. This relationship allowed him to get his first job in finance, a fucked up industry where Epstein thrived until 1981 when his bosses discovered that he had violated federal securities law and asked him to leave.
After this unceremonious exit, Epstein accrued an obscene amount of wealth very quickly. He claimed this was due to managing money for billionaires, but there’s little evidence to support this. As one high-level investor put it, “The trading desks don’t seem to know him. It’s unusual for animals that big not to leave any footprints in the snow.”
Epstein had only one known billionaire client at that time — Moist Bed Sheets Leslie Wexner, the owner of Victoria’s Secret mentioned at the beginning of this piece. Epstein allegedly thought the billionaire was an easy mark due to his social awkwardness, saying “This guy has no life, and I’m going to give him a life.” If true, this might explain why Leslie not only hired him, but gave Epstein full power of attorney — meaning he could borrow money, buy and sell property, and sign checks on Leslie’s behalf — in 1991, ignoring repeated warnings from his business associates and friends.
Another potential source of Epstein’s massive wealth was Decayed Mummy Steven Hoffenberg, Epstein’s mentor who would eventually go to jail for one of the biggest Ponzi schemes in American history. These two ghouls were involved in a number of profitable and shady financial deals in the 1980s and 1990s, but only Steven faced any real consequences — possibly because Epstein secretly cooperated with the Feds prosecuting him for his role in the aforementioned Ponzi scheme.
And this wasn’t the first time that Epstein worked with government agents — at least, not according to four separate intelligence sources who spoke with Vicky Ward, the investigative journalist and Visiting Fellow at Oxford who was threatened and brutally intimidated by Epstein when she exposed him as the con artist he clearly was.
Those sources told her that the intelligence world considered Epstein to be a “hyper-fixer” — someone who could easily go between different cultures and networks — and that multiple governments had paid him to act as their middleman in Africa and the Middle East.
They further alleged that Epstein became involved with intelligence after he’d been introduced to Israeli officials in the 1980s, thanks to Stubbed Toe Robert Maxwell — the disgraced British publisher and father of Epstein’s future criminal accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell. These claims were echoed by Ari Ben-Menashe — a former arms dealer/employee of Israel’s Military Intelligence Directorate — who told accomplished journalist and author Craig Unger that the elder Maxwell was working with Israeli military intelligence and trying to find a suitable job for Epstein3.
While these are accusations, not verified facts, we know for certain that the elder Maxwell regularly rubbed shoulders with Trump in the 1980s. They even bought their yachts from the same brothers — one of whom was Adnan Khashoggi, the Saudi arms dealer who played a key role in the Iran-Contra Scandal.
The Maxwell yacht was the setting for the first party where Ghislaine and Trump were seen together — the year was 1989, right before they each began their infamous relationships with Soiled Underpants Jeffrey Epstein.
True Bromance
Trump was in rough shape in the early 1990s, as three of his casinos filed for bankruptcy all at once — but that didn’t stop him from leering at cheerleaders with his new buddy Epstein!
Trump even successfully convinced a business associate to fly dozens of young beauty pageant contestants to Mar-a-Lago for an exclusive party full of modelling agency executives and other VIPs — except the only “VIPs” present were Epstein and Trump.
It’s worth noting that this was the same time period when several former teenage beauty pageant contestants recall Trump showing up whenever they were changing, and that the modelling agency representing many of these girls required them to attend private dinners with Trump.
This kind of gag-inducing entitlement may explain several similar predatory incidents involving Trump and Epstein that have been thoroughly covered elsewhere. Less well known is the original reason Trump gave for ending ties with Epstein, as recalled by his former campaign aide who expressed concerns about their friendship in 2016:
I kicked [Epstein] out of the clubs when this stuff became public, and I made sure NBC knew
While Trump and Epstein may have stopped hanging out after the latter’s sex crimes first garnered public attention, there were several years where they were connected by Deutsche Bank — the scandal-ridden financial institution that’s long been the favorite of Russian money-launderers. Both he and Epstein had multiple accounts with the crooked financial institution when other banks stopped doing business with them, and they each engaged in sketchy transactions that were repeatedly flagged internally for suspicious activity.
But Deutsche Bank simply chose to ignore all of this — at least, until these “oversights” were publicly exposed in 2019, right before Epstein’s death. This lead to a lawsuit accusing the bank of facilitating Epstein’s international sex trafficking, ending in a $75 million settlement to his victims.
This wasn’t the first time that powerful actors with ties to Trump aided and abetted Epstein’s horrific crimes.
In 2006, Epstein was charged with sexually abusing dozens of underage girls for the first time. He became a Level 3 sex offender — meaning Epstein posed a serious threat to the public — yet he received a “sweetheart” plea deal from Burnt Tongue Alexander Acosta, the former U.S. Attorney who would go on to become Trump’s first Secretary of Labor. As Mother Jones reported:
Acosta granted federal immunity to “any potential co-conspirators” of Epstein’s, an absolutely unheard-of provision, particularly in the case of an alleged serial child molester. Also within the plea deal was another unheard-of provision stating “this agreement will not be made part of any public record”…. Calling this a sweetheart deal doesn’t even come close to capturing it—the feds never introduced a 53-page indictment they had prepared, and even though nearly 30 victims were interviewed, Epstein ended up being charged only with the procurement of an underage girl for prostitution. The feds dropped their case, and Epstein ended up serving 13 months in a private wing of a Palm Beach County jail, where he was chauffeured to and from a luxury office space for 12 hours a day and allowed to receive female visitors. […]
In 2019… Acosta, then in charge of Trump’s Labor Department, had told the president’s transition team that he cut the deal with Epstein’s lawyers after he had been told to “back off” […] saying, “I was told Epstein belonged to intelligence and to leave it alone.”
(Oh hey, another accusation that Epstein was an intelligence asset!)
These are just some of the ways that Trump was connected to Toe Fungus Jeffrey Epstein, and they barely scratch the surface of the many times high-level institutions enabled decades of appalling sexual abuse (don’t even get me started with Harvard and MIT).
But they demonstrate something important about Epstein and Trump — these goons had the world’s grossest bromance, yes, but they were also the beneficiaries of international networks of corruption, allowing them to commit crimes with impunity.
Pay No Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain
The renewed focus on Epstein and his relationship to Trump has elicited a variety of reactions from the American left, with many pundits and news outlets denouncing legitimate concerns and inquiries as “conspiracy theories” that distract from the Real Issues™ or — at best — are an amusing MAGA obsession that can be used against Trump, but should otherwise be dismissed.
This mocking denial of reality would be transparently manipulative if the well-documented facts about the Epstein case were still easy to Google. But they’re not.
So now huge swaths of the American Left are vulnerable to disinformation about Epstein that misrepresents his brutal sexual exploitation as an isolated incident, maligning anyone who questions this version of events — or demands governmental transparency on the Epstein files — as a rube indulging in baseless paranoia akin to the deranged ravings of QAnon.
This benefits no one but the litany of bad actors who would be exposed if all the facts about Epstein ever came to light. Considering how many wealthy liberals were listed in Epstein’s address book, this could be by design.
Luckily, there are tons of amazing reporters and investigators who’ve done impressive work exposing Epstein and the powerful ghouls who either complicity enabled or actively participated in his sexual abuse of underage girls — including Donald Trump:
Vicky Ward, the aforementioned investigative journalist and Visiting Fellow at Oxford who wrote the first exposé on Epstein in 2003
Julie K. Brown, the award-winning investigative journalist whose Perversion of Justice articles brought national attention to Epstein’s crimes in 2018
Sarah Kendzior, the scholar of authoritarian regimes and author of two books with extremely well researched chapters on Epstein — Hiding In Plain Sight and They Knew
Ron Wyden, the Oregon Senator who’s been investigating Epstein’s finances for the last three years and wants answers
Let’s follow and promote this work instead of all the noise — and let’s never hesitate to demand transparency and accountability for elite cruelty that destroyed so many lives.
These goons need to learn that they can’t get away with squat.
Thank you so much for reading! Special thanks to all my subscribers, new and old, paid and free 🤘🏼 This article took a ton of research and I don’t use generative AI, so if you liked it or just want to support my work, go ahead and subscribe or share my writing with your friends!
This topic is far outside the scope of this article, but please know that Google Search has gotten much, much worse and that this change was intentional. To learn more, I recommend the following articles, which I’ve labeled based on knowledge about the topic of enshittification: beginner, intermediate, advanced
A book citation! Unger, Craig, American Kompromat: How the KGB Cultivated Donald Trump, and Related Tales of Sex, Greed, Power, and Treachery, Penguin Random House, 2021, pp. 170-171.